The Space Between: What "Stuckness" Is Trying to Tell You

Ana María Paniagua, LCSW
Apr 13
4 min read

Ana Maria Paniagua, LCSW

“Stuck doesn’t mean broken—it means something is asking to be noticed.”

EMBRACING THE STUCKNESS

We’ve all felt it—that heavy, paralyzing sense of being stuck.Some of us try to think our way out of it: “If I can just understand what’s going on, I’ll feel better.”Others throw themselves into new projects or distractions just to feel like something is moving.Then there are the quieter ways we avoid what’s really going on: overcommitting, isolating, numbing out, procrastinating, pushing people away.

No matter what it looks like on the outside, the internal experience is often the same. A feeling of inertia, disconnection, or emotional weight.You’re not lazy. You’re not broken.You’re just in a moment where your system is telling you: something needs attention.

"STUCKNESS" ISN’T FAILURE—IT’S A SIGN SOMETHING’S SHIFTING

Feeling stuck often shows up right before change.It’s a pressure point—something in your life isn’t working, but you’re not yet sure what to do differently.You feel caught between wanting things to change and not knowing how to begin.

It’s uncomfortable because our nervous systems crave familiarity. We cling to what’s known, even if it’s no longer helping us.

We stay in jobs, relationships, and roles we’ve outgrown.We repeat old emotional patterns not because we want to—but because they feel safe.We react to change as though it’s a threat, even when part of us knows it’s necessary.

That tension—the discomfort, the frustration, the stillness—is not the enemy.It’s the signal.

WHEN OLD STRATEGIES NO LONGER WORK

A lot of what keeps us stuck are protective strategies we developed early on—staying quiet, avoiding conflict, downplaying our needs, or staying “in control.”These patterns might’ve helped us navigate difficult situations. But as we grow, they often keep us small.

Trauma also plays a role.Many people who’ve experienced trauma feel helpless in moments when action is needed. The nervous system freezes. The energy gets stuck.As Peter Levine writes, “When people are stuck, their energy is stuck.”

And so, we find ourselves stuck long after the actual threat is gone—because the body and brain haven’t yet realized we’re safe enough to move forward.

URGENCY VS REALITY

In these moments of stuckness, urgency often kicks in. We feel like we need to fix everything now.Our minds jump to extremes: “This will never change.”We start catastrophizing: “If I don’t get this done right now, everything will fall apart.”

This is where the Threat-to-Balance skill from The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley can help.

THREAT-TO-BALANCE CHECK-IN

When urgency or spiraling thoughts take over, pause and ask yourself:

What is the fear?What are you afraid might happen?
What is the evidence?What supports this fear? What contradicts it?
Are there other possible truths?Could there be more than one explanation or outcome?
What is the intensity of my emotion?Rate it. Is it a 9 or 10 out of 10?
What is the actual intensity of the situation?Is this an emergency, or just emotionally charged?

If there’s a mismatch—if your internal reaction is intense but the external situation is mild—you might be catastrophizing. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong or dramatic. It means your system might be responding to something old, familiar, or unresolved.

Soothing yourself in these moments can feel uncomfortable. It might even feel threatening if calm isn’t something you’re used to. That’s normal. It’s okay to self-soothe even if it feels awkward or unfamiliar at first.

EMOTIONS AS SIGNALS, NOT PROBLEMS

Emotions exist to move us into action.Fear helps us protect ourselves.Anger helps us draw a boundary.Anxiety tells us something needs our attention.

But emotions aren’t always accurate indicators of danger. They’re messengers—not mandates.

If we can slow down and observe rather than immediately react, we begin to regain choice.That’s how you begin to move from being stuck into movement.

THE BODY KNOWS BEFORE THE MIND

Most of the time, the body knows something’s wrong before the brain catches up.

Your chest tightens. Your stomach flips. Your shoulders tense.Then the thoughts start spiraling.

These physical reactions are real. They’re not exaggerations. They’re signs your system is responding to something.The goal isn’t to stop the reaction. The goal is to recognize it, give it space, and decide how you want to respond.

When we suppress, avoid, or push away emotion, we reinforce the idea that the feeling is dangerous.When we turn toward it gently, we build tolerance and resilience.

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT STUCK—MAYBE YOU’RE PAUSING

Sometimes what we call stuck is actually just a pause. A moment between old patterns and new choices.It feels uncomfortable because you’re aware something isn’t working, but the next step isn’t clear yet.

This is the space where growth begins—not through rushing, but through noticing.Not through overthinking, but through grounding.

You don’t have to solve everything at once. You don’t have to get it perfect.You just have to stay present long enough to hear what your body, mind, and emotions are trying to tell you.

IF YOU’RE STILL HERE

Maybe you're beginning to recognize your patterns.Maybe you're starting to notice how urgency shows up.Maybe you're learning to pause before reacting.

That’s enough.

If you're ready to take the next step, you will. If you're not, that's okay.This isn't about forcing a breakthrough. It's about honoring your pace.